aching.

ran for Cross Country ytd. i got position 51! was happy at the same time sad lahs. nearly got 50 lehs! =( but i tried my best lerhs. kept running. pause for sometimes only. felt satisfied. =) took bus back to Toa Payoh Mrt station. then took mrt back woodlands. met him. ate lunch & watch movie. Pink Panther. not really nice. quite lame lahs. couldn't laugh. lols. went to his hse after i bathed at home. cherish that moment so much. he hugged me tightly. we cried. i dun wanna leave him. i wish we stay like this forever. his arms so warm. i felt so secure. he went to play badminton after that. i went home & fell aslp. so tired. woke up early in the morning, i miss him.

my legs aching nw.. knee couldn't straighten. =(

remorse.

i never thought things came out this way. what am i doing? aix. i hurt him. i neglected him. i dunno what to say. i'm so guilty over it. he no longer believes me. what can i say? i have no right to ask him to believe me again. he works OT just to buy mp3 for me. he's tired. he's in pain. he fell sick. i dunno. i din ask. if he dun tell me, i dunno when i'll noe it. i just wanna let him know. i really love him. no one could replaced him. i'm really sorry that i neglected him. i dunno what to say. i really had no feelings for youlong. that's for sure. the person i'm always thinking is you. you work for such a long time, my heart is aching. i wonder when you'll just stop working. but what can i do? aix. i'm really sorry. felt so remorse. what you want me to do, then you'll forgive me? i will do anything. anything. can you pls forgive me? i'm really sorry. aix.

more freedom?

went to Sharon's hse with Sze Hui in the afternoon as there's not much hw to do. watch San Gen . so bian tai. R21 sia. it's so disgusting! eating the foetus. eww~! Sharon cooked spaghetti for us to eat. not bad. i ate very quickly as i dun wanna throw out. the show made me want to puke! after that, we took alot of photos using the camera. so nice! hees. so many tooty face. lols. i pinned up my fringe, can you imagine?! haha. had loads of fun. i made a fool out of myself today. lols. din notice the time past so quickly. went home abt 7 plus. sms him. he worked OT. that's what i hate most. he din tell me cos' dun wan me to be angry. fine. but he warn me not to anyhow go other places after sch till too late without his approval. i agreed lahs. cos' he's tired. dun wanna quarrel. i was kinda upset. i wan more freedom. after sch, i wan to have the freedom to where i go. i can promise to be home earlier & notify you where i am. but dun control where i go. i'm old enough lerhs. i'm not like your sis who needs to be taught. hope you understand. =)

teachers not in today. alot of free time. hees. abit relax norhs. as time passes, i got tensed up. i feel the stress for Os alr. i dun have much time left. during chem lesson, mdm chiew gave back our tests papers. i was so stressed up. i'm afraid of getting low marks again. i got B4. it's suppose to be an easy paper as what mdm chiew has mentioned. aix. next mon will the registration of Os lerhs. i was struggling whether to choose comb. i dun really have much confidence lerhs. my marks aren't stable now. shld i continue?

everyday's just so busy. how is him? it's been a long time since i met him. i often forget my words to him after a few days. hope he's fine. =)

i miss him.

working OT again. =( i hate it. it makes him tired. 16 april he'll be outta MOTOROLA! woo-hoo! gd! =P sweet memories of him & me flash back. i miss that moment. so sweet! lols. well. serbian said she'll be back with him after Os. hahas. that's what my dear predicted. =) love is blind & we girls followed blindly.

i'm hooked by the chinese story bk. finishing soon. hees. i love romance story bks. those related to relationships de. so nice! hmm. wanna watch movie.. dunno when.

i just miss him. my little boy. =)

your tiredness ruled you!

i dun like the way you treat me when you're tired. i dun wanna stay over at ur hse till late night anymore. i know you're tired. so just let me be home early then. you slept before i went home, you need to wake up just to acc me downstairs to hail a taxi for me to be home. you're tired then. you started venting anger on me. even though it is just a small matter, you blow it up. just that i did not say anything, doesn't mean i agree with you. i thought you will hail the cab for me like in the past. how i know you din want to this time? i'm not relying on you nw. it's that you always used to do it. did i ALWAYS rely on you? who rely on who more? well. i'll do everything myself next time! you always take tired as an excuse. and i'm tired of hearing it. i KNOW you're tired. you can't possibly ask me to always accept ur nonsense right? whenever you're tired, i'm just so afraid to talk to you. i dunno when you might just be angry. i've changed? i like to do many extra things? no one likes to do extra things. i asked the cab U-turn cos' there's alot of cars, i couldn't cross the road. the taxi driver will think that i dun wanna take the cab & just drive off. if he happens to drive off, what do you think will happen? before i react, you'll be the one being angry & agitated. slowly, i realised your temper is still the same. i shldn't have judge on that particular day.

you smsed me just nw. you said you were tired. couldn't slp. body's aching. i replied you and asked you to massage it yourself abit & tried to slp. you said i wasn't in the mood to sms. what is this? i want you to rest because you're tired. your tiredness ruled you!

friendship.

aix. what's friendship? even though we're friends, certain respect is still needed. but i hate it when you became so polite. and having to return the every single cents you borrowed frm us. we're friends. i still dislike m1 seriously.

was chatting with Jet Sheng ytd. asked him how he was & others. he suggested having "2m4 Reunion". i asked when. they're still deciding. he's only asking me if i'll go. ya. i'll go if they organise. i miss the days 2m4 are last time. wonder how the others are doing. hope after Os, they'll organise it. =)

Seng Hong did the same mistakes as him. aix. it's always lidat. treasure relationship after losing it. i dunno what to say. well. i think if he's true to her. then, let him wait after Os. but i believe till then, they'll go separate ways le.

worrying abt Os nw & then. aix. stressed up. sorry for being unreasonable at times. =(

tired.

it's a long time since i blogged. too much things to occupy myself. wanted to blog but i din have the time. i shall blog what i remember then. =)

Tue was Valentine's day. an ordinary but special day to most of the young couples. ya, i was one of them. i din expect much. cos' we din have the time. well. met him after a tiring day in sch. went home to have a nap. acc him to the doct ard 7 plus. back to CWP to have our dinner. was damn hungry. but all were having long queues. he din like crowded places & having to queue up. my stomach was left empty frm 11 plus just to wait for my dinner with him. i was upset when he refuses to queue. he gave in finally & decided to have it at Ichiban. but the restaurant is abt to close so i told him i dun wanna eat. i gave up. i wanted to go home & have my instant noodles. on our way, no one was queuing for Cavana. so we sat outside Cavana. he went to took the menu & then paid for the food. the service sucks. lemon tea was tasteless. although the honey grilled chicken rice taste nice. cultery was those plastic type. -.- i was served first. he was served after 45mins ltr. mind you. he reminded them not less than 3 times! decided not to have dinner anymore in Cavana. the standard is dropping! after eating, he sent me home. i realised how much he changed. but i couldn't figure out why. he's so gentleman now. not anymore a bad-tempered boy. i'm so glad. but feel weird. anyway, i bought him another pink star pillow as his gift for Valentine. i din expect he loves it so much. lols. =) he bought a little bear for me to put on my bed & now my bed is full of BEARS! haha. i always look at them before i slp. they're so cute!

hmm. sch work piling up. tests coming on & on. failures makes me down. =( have not been doing well. started to get worried each day. not long ltr, i'll be having my Os. i'm still lack of confidence. counting the grades that i might be scoring worries me. everyday passes so quickly without me knowing. aix. jiaying, gotta buck up!

finally, i dun nid to go for CO on wed. it's optional! so glad. =) *widesmile* it started ytd. i din noe & i went home to slp. hahas. borrow 2 bks frm sch's lib. hope i can finish it. lols. i'm a slow reader.

i think i'll end here for today. back to my sch work!

O level result.

Ytd was the release of Os result. L1 R4 22. eligible for Poly & MI. i was happy for him. but he's not happy as he expected less than 20. i was so sotong that i count till 19! =( make him so happy but den so disappointed after that. i think he've done his best. so dun be disappointed. although those friends who called you, got lower than yours. maybe those who din called you, got higher? of cos' those who got higher, wont called to compare results cos' they are too upset le. so it doesn't matter who got lower than you. as long as you did your best. =) *HUGS* hope that you'll get into the course you want.

went to CWP at night with Serbian. couldn't find any present for her. so we just shop ard. so tired! reach home, watch tv. wait for his call. i fell aslp. he missed call me twice. then, i woke up. his friend went to talk to him, so i told him i go & slp le. too tired. we hung up then.

crucial yr for me. i think i wont be dropping to Sub Sci bahs. seeing the results that those Sub Sci students got. Bs & Cs. =( ais. just a C, ur point will increase alot. nw i can only aim for As & Bs. but is that possible? well. i'll just do my best.

aix.

florence cried in sch cos' his Big Kor kor going in lerhs. she was not confident in winning the match as she was affected. comforted her, hoping she'll just do her best. she won her match though. but anderson won the rest. but gd job, florence! =) proud of you.

went home to slp. he called in the evening. he told me he saw his bro being handcuffed & that the night before his bro touched his head, telling him to study hard & he hugged his bro. after hearing it, i was so sad. i could imagine me being in that situation. aix. what can i say? how can i comfort him? no idea. at most, i can only sit & listen to him. lending him my shoulder, giving him a hug. i hope i could do sth. aix.

continued my slp after that. i slept for 4 hrs today. i still feel so tired then. but i need to get up & finish up my compre. dun have enough slp everyday. felt so lerthagic every morning. yawning away~

he's getting Os result tml. dreamt of him getting i think 17 if i din rmb wrongly. but it's just only a dream. really hope he'll get gd results. "god, pls dun be so cruel" aix. i'm not getting my results but i'm nervous. i dunno how he'll fare.

2 days without seeing him really feel weird. life kinda empty. we both have the same feeling. thinking that i'm able to see him tml, i feel so happy. =)

stressed.

everyday is just so busy. tests, homeworks, tests, homeworks. -.- so tired. am i able to cope well? i'm really afraid. shld i take pure or sub? gotta submit letter to teacher next wk lerhs. aix. Mr Chew was saying abt O levels. abt our eng. many teachers commented that our eng is poor. aix. i'm so afraid. my eng has never been gd all along. aix.

i felt so left out everytime i'm alone in sch. but no choice nahs. i'm so lost. i dunno why i couldn't smile. am i just tired? well. think everyone feels the same bahs. having to prepare for Os this year.

hmm. ytd went to eat with his family. his bro going in soon. 5 yrs 5 strokes. it's really heartbreaking to get to know abt it. aix. hope he will really change after his release & that his family members will care & communicate more with him. family's concern is really impt. tk care!

i dunno how to describe my feelings nw. kinda like no feelings? aix. too exhausted bahs.

i miss you suddenly. wondering what are you doing.. feel kinda distant frm you after the separation. maybe more time is needed to heal my wounds inside bahs.

fell flat on the ground =X

he sent me to sch this morning! hees. so happy! he broke with Shirley ytd night. he took back his things frm her hse. we patched this morning although it wasn't a formal one. but we know lahs. (=

fell during PE. was playing Police & Thief kinda game. i was being chased. and there i went. fell flat on the ground. i was so numbed & i stayed awhile before getting up. everyone crowded around me. asking if i was alright. i replied after awhile. i got up & went to the toilet to clean my wounds. lols. so pai seh. =X i dunno how i react just now. i kinda like wanted to cry. hope no one sees it. haha. it's like my senses was not back yet. lols. i hurt my knees, hands & chin. luckily, there wasn't any cuts on my chin. if not, i'll be disfigured! ahH! heng.

my eye lids were jumping. think it's bcos' sth bad happen to me & his dad bahs. we both fell. =(

i'm so tired. my eyes wanna close liaos. somemore the cuts make me so fed up. my right knee is still bleeding. chin blue-black. hands abit of cuts so very difficult to take things. i din fall for a long time le. now feel so weird.

shld i drop to combine sci? still thinking. aix. nobody is dropping in my class. but now it matters abt my future. aix. so stressed.

is patching a gd decision? will it distract my studies? cos' i really dun wan anymore quarrels. every night when we quarrel, i couldn't do my hw. the next morning, my eyes are too tired to open & couldn't concentrate. aix. unless he's able to give in everything. i dun think can bahs. aix. i dunno what to do.

this fri will be the releasing of Os le. dunno how he fared. hope everything goes smoothly.

he's back.

he's back with me again. i'm so glad. when he sits beside me in the bus, i felt so comfortable. i wish this could last forever. i really hope his passion towards me will not fade away again. i really love the moments with him. he truly makes a difference in my life. i dunno how i'm able to accept everything & went back to him. maybe that's what love can do. i hope my decision made wont be wrong. =)

zhi hong & wan er nearly broke up ytd night. he became a mediator as always. lols. i tried to help abit. but was so PAI SEH. took Ee Pheng as Yi Fan. omg. made things worse. =X so SORRY! aix. guys are lidat. flirtatious. what can we girls do? accept & carry on. cried while consoling. stupid me. always know how to cry. at least i manage to cool her down. lucky.

trust is a really impt element of a relationship. without trust, this relationship wont last long. i know it's difficult to gain the trust again. cos' you wont know if the guy will cheat on you again. it all depends.

alot more barriers to overcome. that's how a happy family is set up. overcoming all the barriers makes a family strong & united. hard work is needed for every good results.

well. i started to think about my future. the career i gonna be doing. i roughly have an idea.

i was watching a show which mentions abt earthquake. i saw how many ppl died from all these disasters. i imagined how many ppl will be left in the future generations. so everyone should treasure the time you have & do what you like. go for it. dun regret. i also saw how ppl gets from really rich to nothing just because of that disaster. they have to start from the beginning. they have nothing left. no money. no family. no nothing. everything's gone. their loved ones died. left alone in the world. what can he do? i really had no idea.

i'm so curious whr will ppl go after death. i really wonder. it just so amazing that i lived in this world. maybe somewhr else, there's another world that no one knows.

okay. back to real life. hahas. my cousin is really cute. how i wish i have such a cutie pie in my future. oops! =X hahas. think too far!

kept quiet

so what if i wrote wrongly? do you have to laugh & tell everyone, when i'm there trying to write whatever i can. i wanted to shout out, SHUT UP! but i did not. i kept quiet. i was angry abt how you react. imagine you trying hard to write whatever you can & i'm there watching & laughing loudly. telling others beside you about it. how will you feel? huh? suddenly i felt ur laughters hurt my ears. and they started laughing abt it. what the hell? i din say i'm right or anything? i may be wrong. fine. maybe i took it too seriously or whatever. but it hurts. okay. if you wanna discuss, discuss when i'm not ard or when i finished my test. you are distracting me! finish ur test & just SHUT UP! - TAN SZE HUI!

i dunno why i reacted this way. maybe it just irritates me. i finally know the personalities of you ppl. i cant do anything but to accept the way you are.

well. i'm so glad to talk to him this few days. felt so happy. i'm flying! hees. lols. he just brightens my day. =P

hope everything's fine.

i hope he'll settle with her fast. he's trying. so i think i'll not hurry him le bahs. as long as he thinks it's right bahs.

i'm so glad that he din lie to me. =) although he still went to CWP with her. at least he's honest to me. aix. i dunno what to do. i know he's lonely which i dun wan. but neither do i wan him to be with a girl. aix. what to do? all i can do is to call him or meet him as much as i can bahs. i'm sorry.

he's thinking of quitting his job at the end of the month. =) i'm happy. cos' firstly, he will not be tired. secondly, he will not be scolded for no reason. thirdly, of cos' he'll not see Shirley as often. i would not have to worry anymore. but i hope he'll not gone crazy for being bored.

came back from sch after assembly. we got 1st runner-up for best efforts. class deco. those boo-ing from M3 & M4 proves how childish they are. just bcos' we are M1! i have been in M4 too. they thought we are just proud. actually we were not. it's just that we dun communicate well with ppl in m2, m3 & m4. the difference between our class & others is that we dun make those nonsense like other classes. we are serious in our studies. i din say that our class is totally the best of all. but there's always a up & a down side. our class thinks abt our future, having more mature thoughts. down side is that there's not much fun in our class. we're not as united. well, there's always a down side to everything. it is how you accept it. the environment dun change for you. you gotta change your mindset to fit into the environment.

hmm. i'm tired. let me take a nap first. zzZZ